the Thinking of toastySpoon

Have any other people writing on here noticed that the buttons for formatting text, like bold and italic etc, are arranged in a fantastically brilliant way? I will re-create it here:

F U K D

fooking brilliant.

anyways, I am now 21....... my gosh that was a heavy night and my gosh I feel old now! Went to Paris the weekend after with Emily, that was probably the most perfect weekend of my life so far.... it was beautiful. Yes, we're still going strong! She's gone to Southampton Uni and it is really nice down there. I go down a lot/as often as I can.
Band... I have Pocket Rocket.... we're finally there! haha. We had our first gig on Friday and it was awesome. We played 5 songs and it was so nice to be back on stage, bleeding emotions through my mouth and fingers.

I can't be arsed to write more, i need to get food.

J x

I've been pretty poor at keeping this updated recently, so I thought I'd do a quick brain dump.

First things first, i fucking love emily robinson
she be the best thing about me, and I wanted to declare that in typical 14 year old fashion, but with an extra 6 years experience. We argue, but we make up quick because we are both scared of losing each other, so its all good. It's a healthy relationship which will blossom and grow over the next few years

Much Love
x

So, I had Friday off to go to Hectors 18th birthday do. Hector = Helen = Emilys cousin. It was a good night overall, me and Emily continue to be absolutely perfect. The perfect I'm talking about is a relationship with flaws, as "perfection" would be boring.
Friday I decided to dismantle my bathroom Turned it from an old persons bathroom into a slightly younger, more trendy set up. Just need to stick my little glass shelf up and the mirror above it, with a little spotlight above that then it will look quite cool, because it is now a wetroom, no surround around the shower or anything. I like it
The lounge now has some much better lighting in it, which makes such a hige difference its incredible. Once the wooden floor is in and the new sofas I will be happy with it, even if a lot more needs to be done.

Thats enough for now
xx

so, today we have our yearly review. I don't think I've been any more scared in my life, this is the last point they can sack me without any notice. I think they would give me notice anyway because they wouldnt want to see me that fucked, but I definately feel its 50/50 whether I come back from the review or not.
Some would be working their asses off now to see what they could do to save the situation, but I feel like that would be basically rubbing it into their faces that I can work hard but dont. So instead I will save my review situation but telling them that they need to support me a little more like they always said they would during interviews, training, and day to day work.
Still, theres not a lot I can do now, so its a "wait and see" situation, I'm sure I'll let you know...

In other news, Chris came round last night with his thougherly incredibly annoyingly northern girlfriend Tracy, who isnt actually all that bad. We got fairly drunk, or at least I did! My mirror fell down which isnt too great, but it didnt smash so thats ok. My dad brought round a cool bit of art based on the film "Get Carter", which I havent seen but need to It looks cool and will look even better when its on the wall.

In other other news, no bank or financial institution will give me money I've applied for loans, overdrafts, credit cards and the like and they all give me a resounding NO. Which is gash. Its rather degrading when it gets to the point you're pretty much going to have to beg someone to get a loan out for you and then pay them the payments... I never thought it would come to this.

I hope everyone is having a good day
x

so, i always begin my blogs with so.

this weekend..... friday was the end of the financial year, and thus piss up. Went up to the comedy store in clapham and I haven't laughed so much in years we were ordering jugs of raspberry ripple and doing them in shots, which was fun because it didnt feel like you were getting drunk until you got up lol. Then I went back to croydon and met up with Emily and did what I always do when I am drunk: piss her off. If there was one thing about my attitude that I would like to change then that would be it.

Saturday I spent the day painting, well most of it. Got the ceiling of the hall done, and some of the hall painting and some of the first coat for the bedroom too. Then I went out with my mate Lisa into croydon again for a boogie over in walkabout, pretty funky. The live band were really good but it didnt feel right not being out with Emily

Sunday was painting day mark 2 this time it was concentration on the bedroom, which Emily helped with and we managed to get it all done I also managed to rub down the walls in the lounge, ready to paint this week or weekend. Then its pretty much all done.

J x

so, i went off to open mic night last night and think I played a whole lot better than last time, although emily doesn't seem to agree :S so I dunno whether to go back to last time or keep it the same, hmm. contemplation for this week.

off to comedy store tonight with work, hopefully wont be too messy. one of the directors has gone missing, how crazy is that?

mental diarehhoa (sp?)

J x

... I just dont know what it is yet.

So, yesterday I go up to cambridge to chill out after tuesday nights fun *zicka zicka* REWIND!!!

So, tuesday night Andy pulls us all back and rips us a new arsehole about figures that are being made and how he's fucked off he's not paying us more. Because if he was paying us more we'd be earning more for the company. Proper old school sales meeting, jobs in jeopardy etc.

SOOOO, yesterday I go to cambridge to chill out after tuesday nights fun. A day of going into meetings and talking face to face with people who havent been taking my calls. And theres this once company i've wanted for ages who actually listened, and will be giving me business. Insane! It was beautiful sunshine and might even have given me some drive :S:S whoa.

Once home, JD and Matt came over for a bit to look at the flat, which was nice to see then I got my bed into the bedroom and had the first normal nights sleep I've had in well over a month. So liberating to be able to sleep deeply again I will sign any petition for the death of all blowup mattresses.

J x

word.

So, I sort of skipped out on yesterdays entry, not a huge amount to write about to be honest. I'm slowly finding my motivation to just do things the way Mark and Andy say they should be done. If that still doesn't work then I'll just do the work that works at home and do what they say during the day. It's a big sacrifice but I have to succeed at this, it feels like my last shot.

So whats the rest of my life like? Emily is great as usual, just being a rock for me while I'm going through all this shit. I really think she's starting to understand . This week I'm going to be rubbing my walls down ready for a weekend of decoration which will be the final decoration on the lounge, hall, and bedroom, except for the wooden floors. Then up go the mirrors, pictures and guitars onto the walls, its going to look double swish.

Thursday night ill probably go do open mic again, so if anyone knows the Good Companions in Warlingham I'll be the one doing songs you've never heard before.

Friday night it's the end of the financial year, so we (the guys at work) are off the comedy store in clapham/battersea to chill out and get ready for monday, being the beginning of my first full year in the business.

Other stuff:

* Not going to drink during the week as far as possible
* Keep going with this very small nicotine intake
* Do something to take the flat onwards every day

J x (abrupt end, couldnt be arsed to sign off)

So I went up the Goodies last night and did the open mic night up there. That was good fun but I'm feeling it right now. I was the only one there who was playing original material so I was a bit edgy, but it was received really well. I had an 87 year old fan, that was cool for some reason I couldnt play Seaside by the Kooks, just didnt work both times I went up, next time I shall use my guitar and see what happens.
It's taken me like half an hour to write this much with the pounding thats going on in my head, so I'm going to leave it.

J x

Not a huge amount to say this morning... But i thought I'd write something to stay in the habit

Parents are twats. All except mine.

This is all.

J x